"Place the Fearful Mind in the Cradle of Loving-kindness."
I just got off of a facetime call with my husband expressing the depth of my fear and distress about the massive changes that the current administration is thrusting into our world. I have been committed to not get swept away by chaos; to stay focused on how to use my own energy as carefully, fully and usefully as possible; to not get lost in what I can’t do, but stay focused on what I can do. And yet this morning as I was reading about the latest actions, I felt penetrated by sadness, grief and concern.
When I hung up from our conversation, I decided to clear out the open files on my computer, hoping to begin to clear out my mind and give me more space and clarity to enter into my day and work. The first file I clicked on was this quote by Chogyam Trungpa that I had copied down from Pema Chodron’s book, How to Meditate —
“Place the fearful mind in the cradle of loving-kindness.”
Tears are welling up in my eyes as I write this…as I begin to allow my own fearful, sad mind and heart to be held in the cradle of loving-kindness. My shoulders are softening, the bracing around my chest and throat is beginning to release, and the healing power of tenderness is opening me to honor what is here.
The Innocence of Children
For the past two weeks I have been spending a lot of time with my grandchildren. Bodie is five years old and just learning to read. A few nights ago, he sat at his kitchen table sounding out words for the very first time, his beaming, excited parents huddled on both sides of him. Bodie’s eyes sparkled with joy and a tremulous smile as he navigated this thrilling milestone, a new entryway to engaging in the world. Huey will be two years old in a few weeks. During many nights and naptimes, I have been holding him in my arms, singing softly and rocking him to sleep—pausing to absorb and delight in his sleeping innocence, the fullness of his weight entrusted into my arms, the peacefulness of his face, the steady, gentle movement of breath—before transferring him from my arms to his bed. When he is awake, Huey is in the process of mastering his own new milestone…learning that it is only O.K. to throw soft things, not hard things…because hard things can hurt people. He often repeats, “Hurt people.” And I nod “Yes.”
The juxtaposition of the innocent, natural unfolding of my grandchildren and the chaos of the world they are growing into continually causes me grief.
Wildland Firefighters
Before returning to Missoula for my most recent stay, I spent the past month having the honor of co-leading two retreats for Wildland Firefighters who are at the cutting edge of the impact of climate change. The first retreat took place at Tassajara Zen Mountain Center. The second retreat was held at the Great Vow Monastery outside of Portland, Oregon while the LA wildfires were burning. Their grief about fellow firefighters who have died and the land that is being destroyed is still coursing through me.
Michael Beasley, a retired Wildland Firefighter and the co-founder of FUSEE, Firefighters United for Safety, Ethics and Ecology, attended both retreats and wrote a moving and powerful blog about his experiences. He described the pressures on the current firefighters who are increasingly being “exposed to the trauma of death and destruction, poor pay, time away from their loved ones…Seasons are longer, firefighters must bear witness to more destruction, and aside from the stresses that have always accompanied this work, I sensed something else. It was something visceral, like a deeper sadness for what the future may hold, rather than the ebullience of youthful optimism. Losses will continue to mount in the years ahead. Not just economic losses, but lives lost to line-of-duty deaths, death by diseases of despair, families shattered, and all this is mirrored and magnified in the natural world. The loss of clean water, old growth, habitat fragmentation, and species extinction also induce trauma and grief for many.”
And yet there was healing, joy, laughter and beauty in coming together. Michael emphasized something I deeply feel which is the gift of bearing witness and holding space for what we are carrying: “Asked always to be strong, it was a privilege and honor to bear witness to their suffering at this retreat. There was no weakness, just a deep need to be vulnerable and be heard by one’s peers.” I think we all need to be vulnerable and be witnessed by ourselves and our peers. That is certainly what has been arising for me this morning—the need to bear witness to what I have been carrying, and allow it to soften and change.
During the retreat at Great Vow Monastery we held a ceremony in the Jizo Garden, a place for honoring grief and love. The firefighters made a prayer flag that we hung in the garden, an offering to the Earth they are so dedicated to protect and to the people who share this love and care.
Protector Energy
I find that mixed with Trungpa’s invitation to “place the fearful mind in the cradle of loving-kindness” which comforts, steadies and opens me, I also need to trust in how “protector or guardian energy” wakes me up and invites me to respond. I have been intrigued by the protector figures outside of temples in Japan. These guardians are placed outside of temples to fight evil spirits, demons and thieves. In one description of these guardian figures on nippon.com, they write, “they bare their muscular torsos, revealing taut abdomens and raised veins, an indication they are drawing on their entire strength.”
A vital invitation for these times:
to draw on our entire strength,
to stand in and trust our own fierce energy without closing or hardening our hearts,
and to allow all that we feel to be held in the cradle of loving-kindness.
A Wonderful Resource
This is a series of monthly classes for 2025 offered by the Upaya Zen Center including presentations by Jon Kabat-Zinn, Christiana Figueres, Ruth King, Valerie Brown, Bhikkhu Bodhi, Father Greg Boyle, Terry Tempest Williams, Konda Mason, Rebecca Solnit, Father John Dear, Guo Gu, Tara Brach, Frank Ostaseski, Sharon Salzberg, Roshi Joan, and Senseis Kozan Palevsky and Dainin Lau. All sessions are recorded and it is offered on a donation basis. I appreciate it very much.
In the most recent session led by Christiana Figueres she emphasized that what is needed in these times is “not just about fixing what is broken but nurturing what makes us whole.”
Upcoming Retreats
Cultivating a Kind, Adventurous and Joyful
Approach to Life
February 22 - 28, 2025
Barra de Navidad, Mexico
A Bilingual, English and Spanish Workshop
Fee: $700
For more info contact Lee - leelesser@gmail.com
To Register
The capacity to wake up, be present and respond to whatever each moment is asking of us is the foundation of Sensory Awareness practice. This leads to more freedom, ease and joy even in the midst of difficulty. In this workshop through simple, direct explorations of our sensory experience, we will discover our capacity to rest, to be in connection, to meet what hinders us and to trust in what enlivens us.
There will be ten 3-hour sessions.